I need clothing.

I’ve had two pregnancies in the past four years. Nothing crazy, but enough that the clothes I wore four years ago are no longer appropriate and no longer flattering. Also, I have so many dresses that are dry clean only (so many!). Do you know how often I put one of those on and then I feed the baby breakfast and then she touches me with her hands which are dripping with food? Maybe every single morning.

One of the few gifts of age is that I now feel like I understand what looks good on me and what I need to get through the days. But I can’t spend the time or effort to go shopping on multiple occasions. I don’t have time to look through sale racks. I need some items that fit and that I want to wear and I’m out of there. I don’t mind spending the money on things I will actually wear and use. What I do mind spending my money on are things I kind of like or buy because they are on sale and then never wear.

So I made an appointment with a personal shopper at Nordstrom, like some kind of fancy person.

For the uninitiated, a personal shopper at Nordstrom will pull outfits and clothing for you that may be your style and start a dressing room for you. There is no pressure to buy. I show up, I try on clothing, the personal shopper pulls other things for me. I buy what I want. It sounds … promising. So I lined up babysitting and made an appointment.

The personal shopper they picked for me, Debbie, called me to go over a few things.

Debbie: So, let’s talk a little bit about what you are looking for.

Me: I really need jeans. So, that’s the first thing. I need something high-waisted.

Debbie: High-waisted. Got it. What else.

Me: I’m looking for some bulky cardigans. Think about what was popular in the 90s.

Debbie: OK. Anything else?

Me: I need some business casual gear. But it needs to be in an easy-to-clean fabric; maybe even Rayon.

Debbie: So no silk?

Me: [Laughing uproariously] What? Oh, god no. Definitely not silk.

Debbie: Hmmm …. I don’t know if we have a lot of things in business casual that aren’t dry clean only.

Me: Look around.

Debbie: Okay, what about shoes?

Me: I like anything with a comfort heel. Think: Clarks or Naturalizers or TOMS. I like wedges. Anything somewhat stylish and comfortable.

Debbie: Hmmmm…

Me: It can be done.

Debbie: Okay, so, just to recap: You are looking for high-waisted jeans, bulky cardigans, easy-wear business casual clothing and shoes with a small wedge, something from a comfort line.

Me: Exactly. However, it should be known I’m 36-years-old.

Debbie: [Laughing]: I was beginning to wonder.