Diary, Oct. 24: Let’s talk about Halle Berry’s new terrifying movie, Kidnap

I saw this trailer with some fellow mom friends last week while watching  Girl on the Train (which, way to know your audience, movie trailer people. Nice work.).

Watch it and let’s talk. I’ll wait.

Did you watch it?  Did you?

Good.

INTENSE, right? I can’t even deal with how my stomach feels watching it. Because what if I were that mom? And someone stole my kid in the middle of Marco Polo (JUST A REMINDER: YOU CAN NEVER LOOK AWAY, FELLOW MOMS. EVER).  What if I had to drive my mini-van all crazy?

And what if I LOST MY PHONE? 

849
Ahhhhhhhh!!! My phone!!! Where is my phone????

Forget the adorable kid for a moment. I get anxious losing my phone between the kitchen and the living room. What if I didn’t have my phone while my child was being kidnapped? It’s  literally too much hypothetical anxiety for me to handle.

Anyway, I wonder if they will get the mom crowd they are looking for with this.  I can’t watch Law & Order: SVU anymore because pretend lost, abused or dead children make me incredibly upset (aka: every single plot line of Law & Order: SVU). And I know a lot of moms who feel the same way. There is no way I can sit through an hour and a half of watching a pretend kid being pretend kidnapped, no matter how zany the minivan stunts are and no matter how Mommy-fierce Halle Berry gets.

Nope. The only way I’ll be able to watch Kidnap is if I can Wikipedia that shit while I’m watching it to find out the ending and to make sure the cute kid doesn’t die. Then I can watch it.

I’ll be seeing you in 2018 on Netflix, Kidnap. You and me: It’s a date.

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