Trick or treat
Smell my feet
Give me something good to eat
If you don’t, I don’t care
I’ll put bubble gum in your hair

This is a song Sam has been singing the entire month of October. Except when I taught it to him in September, it went:

Trick or treat
Smell my feet
Give me something good to eat
If you don’t, I don’t care
I’ll pull down your underwear

He sang my version at school and school, bless them, was quick to shut it down. They  then taught him the song ended in  “I’ll put bubble gum in your hair” instead of “I’ll pull down your underwear.”

Which, like,  OF COURSE. Duh.

And, yes, also: Whatever. It’s a silly children’s song. Pulling down underwear is silly (to a 4-year-old). Putting bubble gum in hair is silly (to a 4-year-old).

But I think we can look at this and see how the ending turns out to be a different silly.

I don’t want someone pulling down my son’s underwear. I don’t want him pulling down anyone’s underwear. And Republican or Democrat, I bet you feel the same way with your kids. I don’t even want this to be a germ of an idea in his tiny, little head.

I know there is so much in the media about PC culture and how terrible it is and how it’s ruining America. And I get the frustration, I do. I’m a comedic writer. I’ve spent a long time writing jokey-jokes. I don’t mind when things are edgy. I think the world would be better off if we could joke together more and be outraged less. I am not a member of the Thought Police.

But…….the reason why I’m writing this is to illustrate how  a tiny, easy shift in your language can make a big impact, especially regarding children. By modifying  five little words, we’ve kept the song fun while not talking about underwear. Did we lose anything about the song in changing around the lyrics a bit? No. No we haven’t.

This small change literally hurt no one. It was a small thing that could have big impact.

Bit by bit, word by word. We can do it. We can be the change.