There are many rules of parenting.

Rule #431: Don’t buy white carpeting.

Rule #193: Between the ages of 0 to 24 months, you can only attempt to do one thing a day that is outside the scope of taking direct care of your child.

Rule #23: Keep them laughing.

Rule #465: Don’t handle the baby after handling poultry (that one was from Nat).

But one of the top Rules (I feel) is: Don’t ever say anything out loud to anyone about how well things are going.

If, for instance, if you feel the need to say to your husband, “You know? It’s been a while since Sam has been sick.” DON’T SAY THAT. Because as soon as those words come out of your mouth, your son will begin to projectile vomit half-eaten sausages onto the dog’s back.

So, I shouldn’t have written this post about how sick I was.

Because a day after I wrote this, I got the stomach flu. Again.

And it was much worse than the stomach flu I had before.

It was bad. So bad.

I missed a day of work and worked from home another two days. By the time I went into the office, I felt like this viral video of the dogs who had never experienced the feeling of grass on their paws.

I have been well since Friday. And I’m trying to do EVERYTHING THAT IS HUMANLY POSSIBLE NOW THAT I DON’T FEEL LIKE SHIT.

Because now Sam has a cold. And you know I’ll be sick by Thursday.