Because I am far from cutting edge, I just realized that the new Amazon Echo Look has a built in camera for style selfies (this news was announced in April). 

Here’s the pitch:

With Echo Look, you can take full-length photos of your daily look using just your voice. The built-in LED lighting and depth-sensing camera let you blur the background to make your outfits pop, giving you clean, shareable photos. View recommendations based on your daily look and use Style Check for a second opinion on what looks best.

Because you can only get it via invitation only and I am a middle-aged suburban mom and the thought of looking at a full-size photo of myself every day makes me want to crawl into a hole to die, I will never get one.

But I can imagine what Style Check will tell me:

“Didn’t you wear those pants yesterday? And the day before that? And the day before that? Do you OWN other pants?”

“Is that a maternity top? I believe you gave birth over two years ago, correct?”

“There is a huge yogurt smear on your shoulder. And because of my AI, I know that pointing that out is a moot point and you will go to work like that anyway. I guess I’ll just stop pointing it out, then.”

“Those shoes are much too sensible for your age.”

“Have you showered recently? Maybe we need to cut this whole ‘style thing’ out and just simply focus on your daily hygiene. Baby steps, you know?”

“Buttons. Let’s look for pants that have buttons.”

“You’re really going to work like that? Really? Well, okay then. Cool, cool. Who needs a promotion?”

“Is the look you’re going for ‘maternal homelessness?'”

“Yeah, no. Just no. Nope. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.”

“Mrs. Roper? Is that you? Oh no. No, it’s just you, Dorothy, wearing a caftan. Who let you buy a caftan? What is going on here? Why would you do this to yourself?”