What to get this Black Friday (from someone who doesn’t shop exclusively at Target)

Hello. It’s Dorothy. A few weeks ago, I got a text from my friend Andrea Park who is a real writer (she’s now at CBSnews.com and wrote this really lovely essay about her TBI for Glamour which I think you should read immediately) wondering if she could write for The Tankini Files and I was like, “LOLZ. Sureeeeee.” I was 100 percent sure she would never follow through because, well, she has good taste and why would she waste her talent on this silly, little blog? She’s not even a tired mom! She’s a vivacious city-dweller with no children! I can’t stress this enough: She shops at places OTHER THAN TARGET.

Anyway, she just emailed me this list for Black Friday deals and it was the best thing ever as I know nothing about 1. Black Friday Deals. 2. Shopping. 3. Tasteful things you should purchase. (I am going to Amazon Prime everything two days before Christmas and call it a day.)

So, behold. Here is what an attractive, fun, cosmopolitan woman of the world thinks are good holiday presents (and are on sale for Black Friday / Cyber Monday). Let us learn from her, shall we? (I wrote the captions to make the applicable for parents. Just FYI.)

cashmere-throw-charcoal-000-111-5_2880x — These cashmere throws are the perfect thing to cuddle up with after your fifth diagnosis of Strep this year.

If I were Oprah, I would buy this cashmere throw from Parachute for everyone I know (above). I own one and I love how soft and warm it is. The cashmere also has a really nice sheen to it. It’s normally $329 but Parachute is reportedly doing a 20 percent off sale sitewide. I went to a Parachute event and was really impressed by their “bath sheets” ($49). They felt incredibly plush and luxe, and they’re oversized for maximum hygge-ness. When my current towels crap out, I’m definitely getting the Parachute bath sheets.

41920sx878l-_sl500_ac_ss350_ — What is parenting without coffee? A certain hell, that’s what.

The Nespresso Lattissima is on sale at Nespresso, BB&B and Macy’s for $259.99. I would say your best bet is using a 20 percent off coupon at BB&B to get it for less than $210. I think BB&B will send you your 20 percent off offer if you sign up for their e-mails. I love making soy and almond milk lattes in my Lattissima. Also, if you’re put off by how expensive Nespresso capsules can be, I think the ones from Brandless are pretty tasty, and they’re a little cheaper at $3 for 6 capsules.

19851559_007_b — Cover up that delicious child vomit smell with this beautiful candle.

I was at the biggest house I’ve ever seen in my life in the Hamptons a couple of years ago when I smelled something lovely: a Capri Blue candle in Volcano. I thought, “Well, there’s something I can afford.” It’s $30, long-burning and beautifully packaged — great host gift. No word on if Anthropologie will do a Black Friday sale.

lp150_3 — This Swatch watch will let you know exactly how late you are for day care pick up (yet again!).

I love my $50 Swatch watch. It’s not quite millennial pink, but it’s dainty, feminine and petite enough that it blends in with any outfit. The silicone band is also quite comfortable. I like that it’s sweat- and water-resistant, which means I have no qualms about wearing it when I work out. If pink is not your thing, Swatch also has a maroon and aqua version. Swatch’s Black Friday deal lets you buy a second watch from $30 to $60.

hsp7enyt50_nylon_tote_1_black_a_x1200 — Soon this beautiful tote can also be filled with Goldfish crumbs.

I have this Rebecca Minkoff Nylon Tote ($195) and the site is offering 25% off $100+ purchases with the code BLACK25. I put my gym clothes and sneakers, books, lunch bag, planner, etc. in it and I love that it adds negligible weight to my load. That said, if I could go back in time, I would buy this $98 army green tote — I think it’s more fun.

If you’re a Hanky Panky fan, you know that they have an insanely high price per square inch of fabric and that they almost never go on sale. Right now, on their site, there are plenty of options for $13.50, down from $20.

7605843 — Wear this Natori Shangri-La robe while your children yell at you for not making pancakes in the exact shape they want them.

I got a Natori Shangri-Larobe as a gift years ago and after finally ripping it, I ordered three: one for me and two for gifts. It’s the perfect weight for a robe — light, but not thin — and its length keeps my legs warm enough. The cotton is very smooth and soft. You can’t beat Nordstrom Rack’s price of $39.97, but it’s possible other department stores will have it for cheaper this weekend.

I got my first zit today in two months. I have consistently had at least one zit at a time since I was in puberty. The only difference is that I’ve been using Drunk Elephant’s C-Firma Day Serum. I don’t know exactly what it does, but I’m sure it’s a miracle worker — it better be for $80. My skin has been very clear and moisturized since I started using it two and a half months ago. I’m a Sephora loyalist, but Derm Store is offering 25 percent off through Thanksgiving with the code GIVE, 30 percent off Friday with FRIDAY, WEEKEND on Saturday and Sunday and MONDAY on Monday.

lps145_blue_flowerbalm — Quickly lose this lush lip balm in one of your many, many canvas tote bags you keep around.

Last year, I gave this Winky Lux Flower Balm to three friends and forgot about it, until they all told me they used it almost every day and loved how it looked on them. It looks clear in the tube, save for a pretty little flower inside, but turns pink after it reacts to your skin’s pH levels. It’s only $14 and the flower inside makes it a little more exciting than normal lip balm or lipstick. Winky Lux is giving customers who spend more than $20 gifts on Black Friday.

cosrx-acne-pimple-master-patch-1_1024x1024

I guess it’s weird to give someone pimple patches for Christmas, but I think it’s all about how you frame it. “I personally love these pimple patches, and I know you were complaining about your pimples, so … ” But these COSRX pimple patches really work; you wear them at night and they remove bacteria and gunk for your zit. I was skeptical, but I tried it on a very deep cystic zit (back when I got zits) and it went away after 2 nights — and I thought that one was a 3-weeker, at least. They’re only $5 but Soko Glam is offering a 30 percent discount this weekend with SOKO17. I also love the British M hair oil, which I think has prevented lots of split ends for me, but it’s quite expensive, even with the discount. Looks like the discount begins on Thanksgiving.

loeffler-randall-pf17-crossbody-pouch-grey-3q — This Loeffler purse will hold exactly ONE diaper.

I gave my friend this Loeffler Randall purse for her birthday and now it’s her go-to bag. It fits a phone, small wallet and keys and the horsehair tassel adds a chic touch. It’s on sale for Black Friday for $137. I have the large tote version, which is on sale right now for $317 — I get lots of compliments when I wear it.

My boyfriend is in the middle of Ron Chernow’s

“Gra nt“ and he loves it. Yes, lots of men love reading about the Civil War, but my boyfriend is actually really enjoying the parts about Grant’s romance with his wife, Julia. Barnes and Noble is offering a 25 percent off coupon in-store this weekend, or you can get 20 percent off your whole purchase online.

Speaking of gendered book picks, if you haven’t read Elena Ferrante’s Neopolitan novels, they’re great, and anyway, I have male friends who love them, too. I think the set of four is a great gift for a girlfriend (just don’t give them to someone you have a kind of competitive or tense friendship with).

4004117491344_p0_v1_s550x406 — Keep note of all the cute things your kids say to you in this notebook. Ha. JK. Like you’ll ever remember to do that

The Leuchtturm1917 ($19.95 at B&N) is a good size for a planner. It’s not as big as most day planners but it’s not so small that you’ll have to write in tiny letters to write your tasks. It’s also very sturdy and comes in pretty colors. These are blank lined notebooks, so you’ll have to format it yourself, which I prefer.

10802093 — Stay hydrated for the beautiful, exhausting marathon that is parenting.

If you don’t own a S’well water bottle, you probably think people just buy them because they look cool. Well, you’re wrong! They are worth the hype. They keep your drink cold or hot for way longer than it will take you to finish your drink, they keep your hands dry and they’re very durable. They don’t go on sale too often, but Nordstrom has a few for 25 percent off ($26.26 to $33.75) right now.

Flywheel is participating in Cyber Weekend by offering up to 20 percent off. Still expensive, but it’s something.

Okay. It’s Dorothy again. That was incredible, right? I’ve never had so many photos on this blog. Thanks to Andrea for everything. Here she is, looking amazing and holding Kit after she was born (Andrea also knit her that blanket! Is there anything she can’t do?). I didn’t take a photo with them as I didn’t let anyone take a photo of me for six months, postpartum.