Diary, Mother’s Day 2019

It’s Mother’s Day. I’m writing this to you because that is what I said I wanted to do — write and sleep in.  

I’m keeping it low-key because Mother’s Day is the New Year’s Eve for middle-aged women — we expect it to be magical and it will never, ever live up to our hopes and dreams.  Like everything with parenting, you will spare yourself disappointment if you simply lower your expectations.

I feel a bit guilty taking “a day” because my husband does quite a bit for us — and if I’m being brutally honest, probably more than I do?

I’ve been thinking about Dads a lot as there has been a whole slew of articles recently about their shortcomings that have been shared widely in my social networks (there’s this one in the Times about how men don’t do their share of work in the home; then there’s this one in Harper’s Bazaar entitled “Men Have No Friends and Women Bear the Burden”).

And, sure, there is some truth to this for many relationships. But not mine.  In fact, I’m sure if Nat took to a keyboard, he could broadcast many, many faults with my way of parenting:

  • Looks at her phone too much under the guise of “keeping up with her friends” but in reality is looking at Go Fund Me pages of strangers because she’s voyeuristic AF
  • Doesn’t hang up clothes after wearing them
  • Many times prioritizes work over family life and I’m left picking up the slack
  • Never makes dinner or does the grocery shopping
  • Hasn’t shaved in 6 months

I saw this Tweet the other day in response to the above stories which resonated so utterly completely for me:

Some of the keys to a successful relationship: appreciate your partner for who they are instead of griping about who they aren’t; realize you and your partner are flawed people who will need to accommodate and even love each other’s flaws.

There are so many dynamics in play in a family relationship. And so many of the stories broadcast today make women seem like helpless victims who have zero voice or say in their lives, which I can’t agree with (this isn’t Pakistan). How hard is it for women to say to their spouses, “Hey, I need help with XYZ.” Or, “If you can’t find friends, that’s on you.”

I guess what we try to do in our marriage is not to get to the point of inwardly seething. And if you’ve reached Inwardly Seething Level, it’s time to, I dunno, say something? Out loud? Work it out? Like adults?

Anyway, not completely sure how this post about Mother’s Day spiraled out of control about men and our relationships to them (is it the Patriarchy which has hijacked my brain / mind? Many would say YES) but I know this: I wouldn’t be the Mother I am without my husband — who keeps us fed, sane, laughing, and who cares for us beyond measure  on Mother’s Day and beyond — and for that, I thank him.

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